Monday, October 01, 2007

Drunk Moron, Retarded Morons, Bonking Moron.

This morning, I stepped out into 55 degree goodness. A little nippy, but not too bad. I had some cargo pants on (chamois liner beneath) so my legs stayed warm. My partially-zipped ski jacket shell kept my upper body temperature regulated.

As I rode up Quivira, I passed the ever-busy Liquor store. I can only guess what the heck a liquor store is doing open before 6:00AM, but the place stays busy. Usually, it's no problem, but occasionally, you get the people who seem to be already drunk as they pull in to get their daily dose of mind-numbing liquid. This morning was one of those mornings. I didn't really get almost hit, but I had to stop in the middle of the road because I couldn't tell if the guy was going to stop or mow me over.

A mile up the road, I ran into another brilliant set of carbon-based creatures. A family, I suppose.

Before I continue, let me preface this. Joggers are a bizarre breed. For some reason, they really like to jog in the middle of the road against traffic. I'd imagine that they are in the road to avoid the seams in the sidewalk, and against traffic so they can see and avoid oncoming cars. They can easily hop up onto the grass or sidewalk if a car is coming. Why some CYCLISTS ride against traffic? I still don't get that one. They can't as easily avoid an oncoming car unless they're really good at bunny-hopping curbs sideways.

Back to my rant, though. This family (a man, woman and dog), were jogging three abreast against traffic, in the dark, with clothing that wasn't strikingly visible from a distance, much less reflective. A jogger on the road against traffic? Okay, just get out of my way. Two one-after-another? Acceptable. A dog on a leash in the street? Kind of ridiculous. All three abreast, and made no attempt to clear the road when they saw cars (or me on my bike coming)? I don't like to use the word often, but that is RETARDED.

So, with all of these morons out of the way, I proceeded to push the pedals at a reasonable pace to keep my body temperature regulated. I wasn't fast, but I was faster than Friday morning.

When I got near Rainbow, I had a semi-tractor pass me, then pull in front of me (gave plenty of room) but then it slowed down to turn. With no traffic in the middle lane, I was stuck with a decision. Get stuck at a red light after waiting for this behemoth to take its turn, or take the center lane and zip through a green light and carry my momentum? I chose the latter. I dropped the hammer, HARD. Push Push Push Double-Shift PUUUUUSH PUSH Push Push! 30 MPH came. 32, 35... Running a full-on sprint, I muscled past the slowing tractor before it reached the intersection, and just kept pushing with my speed in the mid-30's. As I started slowing down, I noticed something was wrong. My face was going numb. So were my arms. I was getting tunnel vision. My calves were tightening, and I was starting to pant uncontrollably. Yay! I'm BONKING! (Moron)

I Coasted and took a 10-ounce gulp of Gatorade; In what seemed like one solid swig, I downed half the bottle. I let my speed drop below 10 MPH, then shifted back to the middle chainring and pushed gently. I never got the dizzy or sick feeling of full-on bonk, but it was fast approaching. That's what I get for skipping breakfast.

I took the Baltimore slog after that (I'm a genius, aren't I?) which was surprisingly easy since I took it at a granny pace.

When I left the coffee shop, I saw the guy on the orange scooter that locks up to the bike rack at work. I pulled out beside him, but gave no attention. With a quick sprint up 11th street and a shortcut through some old, torn-up parking structures, I beat him to the rack by over a minute. Bicycle wins again!

Random Tunage:
ORM - Cube Loop
Ferry Corsten - Fire


Doug said...

I don't think you're using the word "bonk" correctly here. Bonking refers to when your muscles and liver are completely depleted of glycogen. Once you bonk you can barely turn the pedals. Even without breakfast, unless you've starved yourself yesterday, your muscles aren't going to be depleted of glycogen that quickly. Sounds more like you maxed out your heart rate sprinting for that light.

Noah said...

it's hard telling. There are many things that can cause one to feel crappy from over-exertion. While I don't hang out with many professional cyclists or runners, the active-types I talk to seem to use "bonk" as a general term for most of these situations. Blowing past your MHR, hyperventilation, dehydration, staying above your aerobic threshold too long, etc.

Honestly, I don't know which of them it was, but it sucked. Given how long I sprinted (not that long, but long for me) and my lack of training, my guess is that I was anaerobic.

So, maybe not "scientifically" bonk, but I don't know another word for it, especially without knowing the actual cause other than me being a dumbass.

Doug said...

Sorry, I didn't realize there are people that use the term bonk for a broader range of symptoms. I'm old school and take it to mean hitting rock bottom with no hopes of recovery in the short term. I looked up bonk on Wikipedia and it has my old school definition.

I have to admit I've done my fair share of sprinting to beat a light only to regret it when I start hyperventilating.

Dan said...

You know, I don't get that jogger on the left thing either. When I'm driving, I assume the runner will remain in the lane regardless of which direction they're traveling. I'm usually right.

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